Jarod's Sweet Perspective

As I reflect back on the beginning of this journey three years ago, I'm reminded of many blessings. My kids have been a great support and encouragement to me! I want to share a sweet paper my son wrote for school that summarizes several events and conversations. He was 12 at the time of my diagnosis. 

                                                                                     

Cancer

“BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!”  I heard as I stretched out my arm to turn off my alarm. Better get ready to go to Grandma’s house, I thought to myself. I slowly got out of bed and got all my things I needed to go to my grandma’s house for a week. After all of my family and I got everything we needed packed into our van, we set off for my grandma’s.

After a four hour car trip, which felt like ten hours, we finally made it. It wasn’t that bad of a trip; it was pretty nice actually, until my grandma pointed out something on my mom’s neck during dinner.

“It looks like you got a bump or something on your neck, Terri,” She said.  “What is it?’

“I don’t know. Do you guys see anything?”  She asked around the table.

“No, I don’t,” I told her.  At least, at the time I didn’t. As the trip went on, the more my grandma was talking about it, the more noticeable it became. My grandma kept going on and on about it, until my mom finally decided to get it checked at the doctor after we got back home. 

My mom and dad went to the doctor after her surgery to find out about the bump on her neck.  At the time I wasn’t worried. I figured if it was anything, it would be something small like some weird thing for the flu, but it wasn’t. When my parents got back from the doctor, they called my three sisters and me out to the living room and told us the bad news, that my mom was diagnosed with cancer. It hit my sisters and me pretty hard, but we tried not to show it, not wanting to make things worse for my dad because we could tell it hit him the hardest.

After we got the news things were really strange and different. Because of the medicine and chemo my mom was taking she couldn’t get any germs. Every time we went outside, shook hands with someone, or touched anything really, we had to use Germ-X and make sure our hands were germ free. My mom also had to carry a small bottle of hand sanitizer wherever she went.   

The chemo she was taking also made all her hair fall out so she had to get a wig. The whole family went with my mom to go help her pick out her wig. I don’t know if I was having trouble accepting the fact my mom got cancer or fathoming it, but when we were at the wig store is when everything really hit me. I don’t completely know what happened, but I just sort of broke down and started crying.  

My family knew before the wig store that I was having a hard time with everything, but they didn’t know I was taking it as hard as I was. It didn’t help when everyone would come up to me and try to tell me everything would be okay, not even when my parents told me that because if they were being honest, they didn’t know. The only thing that I or anyone could do that really helped was to pray, and that’s something I did a lot of.

I spent a lot of my time in my room the next couple of weeks thinking and praying about everything that was going on, while my parents spent a lot of their time making sure my sisters and I were okay when they weren’t at the doctor’s office. After my parents got back from their second doctor’s appointment, my mom came in to tell me about what her doctor said.

“Hey Jarod. Whacha doing?” she asked me.

“Oh, nothing, just some homework. How was your doctor’s appointment?’

“It was fine, but I wanted to tell you about what the doctor said about the cancer I have.”

“Oh, okay what?”

“Well it turns out I have two types of lymphoma. And I don’t have the worst type of lymphoma there is, but one type of cancer that can’t completely be cured.”

“So it will just lay dormant in you your whole life?” I asked with a confused face.

“Well, it won’t necessarily be dormant. It has a chance of coming back.”

“SO WHAT’S THE POINT OF EVEN HAVING MEDICINE IF IT WON’T CURE THE CANCER!?!” I shouted while tears were building up in my eyes.

“Because the medicine will help, and it doesn’t have a high chance of coming back after the medicine,” my mom told me while tears were building up in her eyes as well. At that point I didn’t know what to say, so I just laid down on my bed and cried. My mom stood in the middle of my room and slowly walked out.

It took a couple of days to realize that it was stupid of me to be mad, so I went to my mom and just said that I was sorry and walked away. I went to my room and thought for a bit about how things are going to be now that my mom has cancer and how just life was going to be.

            “God,” I said at the brink of tears. “You know that these last few weeks have been the hardest weeks I have ever had in my life, and even though this whole, I don’t know, thing or chapter of my life, I don’t know…  Even though it has been very hard, I can see, I-I know, there has been good in it as well. If this whole whatever never happened, I wouldn’t be as close to my family as I am now. I wouldn’t be as close to You as I am now, and as I said before it has been very hard, but I would not trade this experience for anything. So with all that said um, I just wanted thank you. Um, uh, I’m not saying I’m happy my mom got cancer, I’m saying I’m thankful for all of the good that came from this.”

            “Jarod,” my mom said as she slowly opened my door. “I just wanted to make sure you were doing okay.”

           “Yeah, I’m doing okay. I’m sorry I’ve been giving you a hard time lately, it’s just been kinda hard adjusting, well more like accepting, everything that’s happened these last few weeks.”

            “It’s okay. I know you’ve been having a tough time. It’s been a tough time for everyone. This is just a part of life we have to get use to now.”

            “Yeah…  okay.” She then made her way to the door. “Mom,” I called out.

            “Yeah.”

            “So, you said the type of cancer you have, it’ll never completely be out of you, right?”

            “…Yeah.”

            “Hmm okay, that’s what I thought,” I said as she walked out of the room and closed the door. I sat on my bed for a little bit. I wasn’t thinking or praying, just sitting. And then I said, “Amen.”

November 2012 - two months before diagnosis

I Still Like Peanut M&Ms!

Before I started chemo, I did a lot of google searches and read blogs of other cancer patients. One thing that I came across several times was a warning against taking your favorite things to chemo because it would cause you to have negative associations and then not like those things after chemo. Well, then what do you take??? Don't you want things that are familiar, comforting, and fun? Don't you want Peanut M&Ms?

I decided to take my chances and packed Peanut M&Ms to snack on during chemo. And guess what? I still like them :) Yes, I do have some negative associations from my six chemo sessions, but they mostly are related to the actual chemo and are not experienced otherwise --- the nasty taste of the Prednisone and the strawberry candies the nurse gave me to cover up that taste, the metallic taste as my port was being flushed, eating ice chips while receiving Vincristine, peeing red, being drowsy from the Benadryl, tummy issues, etc.

In my case, the positive associations far outweigh the negative. It's extremely positive to reflect on God's faithfulness when I hear songs that have been meaningful to me during this journey. I remember hearing Jason Castro's Only a Mountain while waiting on biopsy results. I began praying for God to move the mountain in front of us. Then I discovered Kristian Stanfill and thought it ironic some of my favorite songs (Always) were from his album entitled Mountains Move. Daryl made sure my iPod was loaded with the songs I wanted so I could listen to them during chemo and while waiting for my PET scan. There are so many songs that have positive and encouraging associations with words that seem to be written just for me.

Today I heard on The Weekend Top 20 Countdown that the #1 Christian song for 2013 was Chris Tomlin's Whom Shall I Fear. Is anyone surprised by this? I distinctly remember listening to it (and maybe singing along) while driving home from my CT scan after three rounds of chemo. How comforting to know God is always by my side! I may have had Peanut M&Ms, too!

You hear me when I call
You are my morning song
Though darkness fills the night
It cannot hide the light
Whom shall I fear?

You crush the enemy
Underneath my feet
You are my sword and shield
Though trouble linger still
Whom shall I fear?

I know who goes before me
I know who stands behind
The God of angel armies is always by my side
The One who reigns forever
He is a friend of mine
The God of angel armies is always by my side

My strength is in Your name
For You alone can save
You will deliver me
Yours is the victory
Whom shall I fear?
Whom shall I fear?

And nothing formed against me shall stand
You hold the whole world in Your hands
I'm holding on to Your promises
You are faithful
You are faithful

Help! I Have Chemo Brain!

Yes, "chemo brain" is a very real condition. The technical name is cognitive dysfunction - and I have it!!! I was so proud of myself during chemo for NOT having issues...at least not more significant than I already had. My family will testify that I can be a little scatter-brained and forgetful, and we even joked that we might not be able to tell if I develop chemo brain. However, since finishing chemo, we all agree that I seem to have several of the symptoms (more so than before chemo) found on the Mayo Clinic's website:

• Being unusually disorganized - yes, yes, yes!
• Confusion - sometimes
• Difficulty concentrating - probably
• Difficulty finding the right word - maybe 
• Difficulty learning new skills - no motivation
• Difficulty multitasking - definitely
• Fatigue - not as much as during chemo but I still like naps
• Feeling of mental fogginess - yes
• Short attention span - yes
• Short-term memory problems - Why did I come into this room?
• Taking longer than usual to complete routine tasks - Can you say ADD?!?!
• Trouble with verbal memory, such as remembering a conversation - yes
• Trouble with visual memory, such as recalling an image or list of words - yes, but not as bad as with verbal 

Chemo Brain

Then throw in the hormonal changes of chemo-induced menopause and you have a mess!!! I find myself feeling like I'm losing my mind one minute and then wanting to cry the next minute. The worst part is feeling so unorganized - even just around the house. I can't seem to find anything I need when I need it!!! And when people start a conversation with, "Terri, do you remember..." Uh, NO! I usually can't tell you what I wore yesterday, so chances of remembering much else are pretty slim.

I've read that this can last from a few weeks (I'm a few months past that...) to 5-10 years or more (oh my...)! So, I guess I better get a good planner/notebook and write things down in ONE location. It's time to clean the house, clean out my purse, and organize my planner!

For God is not a God of disorder but of peace...
~ I Corinthians 14:33

Life After Chemo

It's been over two months since my last chemo treatment. I think the thing people ask about the most my hair! YES, it's growing!!! It's the same color as before - mostly white. Seriously, it's white! No one (besides my family) saw how white my hair was before except my friend Robin who shaved off all the color-treated hair. There's a tiny bit of pepper mixed in with the salt...but not much. So far it's very soft hair and flat to my head. You can really see all my cowlicks!

I told my husband the other day that I'm tempted to keep shaving my head because not having hair is soooooo easy. The wig literally takes seconds to put on, and it's permanently styled. At home a bandana is perfect. He didn't say "no" - but his look spoke volumes! I guess I'll keep growing out my hair. And if it doesn't make me look too old, I'll keep the white. It's the perfect time to stop coloring! That also got a look from my husband!!!

My eyebrows and eyelashes are getting thicker, but my poor eyelashes are going every which way. It's like they each have a mind of their own, but I like having enough lashes for mascara. And I'm back to shaving - ugh! I'm telling you...no hair was kind of nice! 

My kids have decided that chemo actually helped my brain. I can be forgetful, so we were worried that it would be awful during treatment. However, I think I was actually more organized while on chemo. Now I seem to be having more issues - like forgetting Jarod's dentist appointment or even what day of the week it is. Thankfully, Daryl is usually filling in the gaps for me!

Now that I have more energy and am doing more physically, my post-chemo muscles are letting me know they haven't been used much since January. Just scooping chicken feed has pulled something in my back. Daryl and I were walking when we could during chemo - when it wasn't too cold and I wasn't too tired. Now we're walking the dog daily and also doing the Couch to 5K program. Yes, we are jogging! Never say never, huh! We're on the last day of week 5 (a 20 minute run)! One of these days we'll run a cancer 5K! 

C25K - 20 minute run!

The worst part of my post chemo recovery is the chemo-induced hot flashes. Whoa! I've heard women talk about hot flashes, and they weren't kidding! They are not fun - especially during the summer! And really, 24/7 is a bit much! So if I spontaneously combust, you'll know why!!! My doctor said it's 50/50 whether or not this will be permanent menopause. Hopefully my age will work in my favor! 

Isn't it amazing how God has designed our bodies! And He has given people amazing abilities to find treatments for cancer. I'm so thankful for the advances in medicine and science that allow toxins to kill my cancer but not destroy my body. I am blessed!

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.
~ Genesis 1:27

Celebrating the "Lasts"

Just six months ago we were nervous about all the "firsts" we were experiencing - diagnosis of lymphoma, appointments, scans, chemo, side-effects. This week I'm thinking about the "lasts" of some of those experiences.

The last R-CHOP chemo treatment - Aloxi, Decadron, Benadryl (knocks me out), Adriamycin (makes me pee red), Vincristine (neuralgia), Cytoxan, and Rituxan (made from mouse components).

The last time trying to maneuver the IV with me to the bathroom while being doped up on Benadryl. I saw a neat video of a chemo patient riding the IV across the room, but I would've ended up on the floor if I had tried that!

The last of tummy issues - tummy ache, bloating, gas, burping (like you wouldn't believe), constipation.

The last dose of Prednisone and the nasty, nasty taste it leaves in my mouth. Did I mention the nasty taste???

The last of feeling drained - looking forward to more energy and motivation.

The last of losing eyelashes - mascara only does so much.

The last of not shaving - oh wait, I don't want that to change!

The last of being bald. Even though I probably dreaded this the most, it has turned out to be kind of fun. I like my sassy wig that is soooo easy to maintain. I'm also a pro at tying a cute bandana on my head. And I can take a shower in 59 seconds! (Yes, the kids timed me one night.)

I don't think my hair would've completely fallen out since I always shaved some stubble, but it definitely showed signs of thinning. I'm glad we shaved it all off and had some fun. It cracks me up that my blog post about shaving my head is the most visited post (here)!

One side-effect I want to keep is the chemo-induced menopause I seem to be experiencing. I sure don't want to go through these hot flashes again down the road. Usually I look at my age as on the young side, but I hope I'm old enough that this will be permanent!

Although I won't miss these "lasts" - in all reality, they haven't been that bad. One of my constant phrases through all of this has been, it's all good because I'M NOT PUKING! I've been able to work every day that I haven't had appointments. I've been able to do the necessities for my family (thanks to Daryl being the chef). I've pretty much been able to live life as usual. I am the first to admit I am truly blessed - even if some the blessings have been in disguise!!!

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if the thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise 
 ~ Laura Story, "Blessings"

Chemo #6...finally!

Yesterday was my 6th and final scheduled chemotherapy treatment. WOO HOO!!! It went as well as always! Tulsa Cancer Institute has several campuses in the Tulsa area and are finishing a new state of the art building to combine all the facilities into one. The campus I usually go to is the first to be in the new building this week. The treatment area is so nice with actual sections for each patient instead of a circle of recliners with no defined space.

After my last round of chemo, I needed a Neulasta shot to boost my neutrophils (part of white blood cells) that had dropped to 1.1. Yesterday my count was 4!!! That's higher than after my first chemo of 2.4! So as I was checking out, the scheduler said she'd see me back the next day for an injection. I told her nothing was said about a Neulasta shot, my counts were up, and this was my last chemo. She tried to call my Nurse Practioner who I had seen but was only able to reach my oncologist's main nurse. I ended up on the phone with her (new building is big with multiple floors), and she was very adamant that I come in for the shot. After some discussion, she finally went to ask the NP, came back and said we could skip it. Of course she went on to lecture me that I better call back if I start running a fever, even if it's in the middle of the night. Okie dokie! I know she was just doing her job, but all patients do not fit into a procedural mold. Gotta stick up for my rights!

After the Neulasta shot three weeks ago, I had a couple of days of hip pain, felt crummy, and slept a lot. That's fine if I really NEED the shot, but if I don't, why go through it? It would also be another day off work and drive to Tulsa - not to mention the cost of the shot (thankfully to insurance and not to me). Now I'll be praying I won't run a fever and have to call the nurse - HA!

I thought I was going to have to call the nurse last week. Allergies or a cold hit me with a sore throat, head full of snot, stuffy AND runny nose, sinus pressure, and cough. One day I felt awful and ran a temp from 99.9 - 100.4 all day. The magic number to call the nurse is 100.5, so I never called. I took Tylenol PM that night and woke up fever free! Now if I could get rid of all the snot!

So I'm waiting for my PET scan to be scheduled, and then I'll see my oncologist after that to go over the results and talk about how they'll monitor me. It's been almost six months since my mom noticed the swollen lymph node at my collarbone. This journey will continue, but I'm grateful it will be a different kind of journey after my next appointment. And I am so thankful that I won't be on any part of this journey alone - family, friends, and most importantly GOD are traveling with me!!!

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.
~ Joshua 1:9

It's a Blessing, and a Curse

We are big fans of the TV show Monk. In fact, the kids still watch reruns. And really, isn't there a little bit of Monk in all of us??? We are always repeating his phrase about different things that are happening - it's a blessing, and a curse.

That phrase is kind of how I've looked at this whole cancer journey. Only I would turn it around and say, "Yes, it's a curse...but mostly a blessing!"

Chemo #5 this week had it's cursed moments...but was still a blessing. Before each treatment, blood is drawn to check all my counts - white blood cells, neutrophils (most important infection fighters of the white blood cells), hemoglobin, and hematocrit. Chemo kills all fast growing cells, including blood cells that are produced in the bone marrow. Bone marrow suppression is the most frequent side effect of chemo and can cause the body to not fight infection, nourish tissues, or clot blood. Thankfully, my red blood cells (hemoglobin and hematocrit) have been fine. However, my white blood cells, especially my neutrophils, have continued to drop.

A normal white blood cell count ranges from 4.8 to 10.8 thousand. Before my first treatment, my wbc was 8.0. Then it dropped to 5.0, 4.4, 3.3, and 2.5. In relation to that, my neutrophils started at 6.2 and dropped to 2.4, 2.4, 1.6, and 1.1. My latest count was too low to receive chemo without a shot of Neulasta to increase white blood cell production. Without it, I'm too susceptible to infection that would probably land me in the hospital. Also without it, I would have to delay chemo and maybe even have the chemo dose altered.

After my doctor gave us the options, we went ahead with chemo #5 on Tuesday, and then I went back on Wednesday for my Neulasta shot. I was hoping to avoid it throughout my treatment because it can cause bone pain from mild to severe (depending on who you talk to). But, no pain, no gain - right! If it's hurting, it's working. And if it's what will keep everything on track and keep me out of the hospital, then it's what I need to do.

5 down, hopefully just 1 to go

So, back to cancer being a curse...but mostly a blessing.

Yes, cancer stinks, but...

• GOD IS BIGGER!

• the encouragement from family and friends is priceless! 

• reconnecting with friends who are surviving and have survived cancer is invaluable!

• my own growth spiritually is wonderful!

• my husband and kids are the best cheerleaders!

Yes, chemo stinks, but...

• it's killing the cancer... and I'm NOT PUKING!!!

Yes, the Neulasta shot is somewhat painful, but...

• it's boosting white blood cells to fight infection!

Yes, I'm bald and hardly have any eyelashes, but...

• the chemo is working!

I am one blessed soon-to-be cancer survivor! God is good!!!


So do not fear, for I am with you;  
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;  
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
~ Psalm 41:10

Accentuate the Positive

I'm over half way through my chemo treatments and thought it would be fun to list my side effects (the negative) with what is positive about them. There have just been minor changes since my "Blue Book" post (see here). Decreasing the Vincristine dose has taken away the intense jaw pain and abdominal pain. What a blessing!

Stomach/Digestive issues - indigestion, burping, heartburn, and constipation
POSITIVE: I'm not puking!

Mouth/Nose - cotton mouth with a weird taste and hypersensitive sense of smell
POSITIVE: I'm not puking!

Headaches
POSITIVE: Tylenol...and I'm not puking!

Aches and pains with skin sensitivity
POSITIVE: Only lasts two days...and I'm not puking!

Hair loss - with thinning eyebrows and eyelashes
POSITIVE: New hair style and better shaped brows (thanks to eyebrow shadow)!

Skin - dry, flaky, and itchy
POSITIVE: No shiny face by the end of the day!

Nails - brittle, ridges, and quick line is receding
POSITIVE: No pain when nails break past the quick!

Lack of energy
POSITIVE: Naps!

The biggest positive of all: I'M NOT PUKING!!!

So, those are my minor side effects from chemo. It will be interesting to see if there are any long-term effects. I really have nothing to complain about and am VERY blessed! I know I've mentioned this before, but the prayer support we have is INCREDIBLE! I'm sure that's why I'm doing so well!!!

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.
~ Lamentations 3:22-24

Chemo #4 and CT results

PRAISE THE LORD! Chemo is working!!! A large lymph node in my chest is down to normal size, and a large lymph node in my abdomen has shrunk in half. WOO HOO!!! My doctor said I'm responding very well to treatment!!!

My white blood counts are low - especially my neutrophils, but it was still a go for chemo. I just need to be extremely careful about germs. So I spray down my desk and phone at work every morning (and after others use my phone), use Germ-x 100 times a day, avoid shaking hands, and definitely avoid people who are obviously sick. 

Chemo was another typical day of chemo. I didn't get Benadryl until before my last medicine, so I was able to read for awhile. Daryl brought back Steak 'n Shake for lunch, and then it was nap time! I'll have two more treatments and then a PET scan. Hopefully after that I'll be done, but if they want to do two more treatments, that's fine. Whatever it takes!

I don't always sleep well the night of chemo even though I'm super tired - must be the Prednisone. I woke up singing this Rich Mullins song:

Our God is an awesome God
He reigns from heaven above
With wisdom, power, and love
Our God is an awesome God

I also like a quote I saw on Facebook by Beth Moore:

"When the Spirit of God moves within us, we must move with Him or be miserable."

I'm glad I serve an AWESOME GOD whose Spirit moves within me!

Chemo #3...and Surgery

Not my surgery - but my husband's. Yep, another surgery for the Williams family... and another deductible... and another out-of-pocket amount... Daryl had a lipoma removed from his upper arm. For someone who really hates needles and blood and was stressed about the IV, he took it like a man and did great! Praying pathology is negative!

And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.
~ Philippians 4:19

My third round of chemo went well. I was worried that my blood counts might be too low for chemo because of how they dropped after the first treatment. Thankfully they were basically the same as last time, so we were good to go with chemo #3. If all goes well with the next three treatments, I'll be done! But I know there's a chance my oncologist will want to do two extra rounds. I'm okay with that. Whatever we need to do to get rid of ALL the cancer cells. I'll have a CT scan before the next treatment and then a PET scan after the 6th treatment.

I was finally brave and asked for my official diagnosis as to what type of lymphoma I have besides the general non-Hodgkin. I didn't really want to know before - just wanted to get started with treatment. There are about 60 subtypes of NHL that fall under two categories (rarely a third): B-cell or T-cell. I have two types under B-cell: diffuse large B-cell lymphoma and follicular lymphoma. And these two types fall under two different forms of NHL - yay for me!

Aggressive NHL, also called fast-growing or high-grade, makes up about 60% of NHL cases in the United States. I have the most common aggressive subtype - diffuse large B-cell lymphoma.

Indolent NHL, also called slow-growing or low-grade, makes up about 40% of NHL cases in the United States. Again, I have the most common indolent subtype - follicular lymphoma.

Hmmmm... 60% + 40% = 100%. I guess I have the total package! I wonder what the statistics are on having both... So there's the nitty gritty of my diagnosis. Not that it really matters since ALL of it will be GONE soon!!! 

My chemo day went as usual - waiting... blood work... waiting... vitals... waiting... doctor... waiting... and finally chemo! Oh, and I got my big comfy chair - without kicking anyone out!!! I've had different chemo nurses each time, so I always learn new things. I learned that one of the anti-nausea drugs is probably what keeps me awake the night of chemo. It's actually a corticosteroid (Decadron) working in cahoots with the Prednisone!

The day was uneventful - premeds (Tylenol, anti-nausea, and Benadryl) and then chemo. I pretty much snooze off and on all morning during the chemo. We've seen one couple each time we've been there, and Daryl and the husband talk guns and politics a little bit. This time there was a lady one chair over from me who cried during the first half of her chemo until she fell asleep. I felt so bad for her and prayed that she would be filled with God's peace and mercy and know it was from Him. I'm glad she had a daughter/friend with her! And I'm so thankful for all the prayers, support, and encouragement from my family and friends!!! 

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.
~ James 5:16
 
I was so tired after this treatment - more so than after the last two. I couldn't keep my eyes open on the way home, went straight to the couch, stayed on the couch with my eyes closed even when a friend stopped by to see Daryl's new gun (He must be a good friend for me to stay on the couch like that!), and after supper put on my jammies and went back to the couch. Thankfully, I slept fairly well that night and felt rested for Daryl's turn in the hospital. Are we having fun yet?

Maybe "fun" isn't the right word - but we've been so blessed by family and friends helping us with getting the kids to and from their activities, mowing our yard, gifts and cards, encouragement, and lots of prayer. So in that sense, seeing God's people doing God's work is definitely FUN!

And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased.
~ Hebrews 13:16

Look Good Feel Better

This week I attended a Look Good Feel Better class (http://lookgoodfeelbetter.org/) sponsored by the American Cancer Society (http://www.cancer.org/). There were seven of us in the class - five with breast cancer, one with colon cancer, and me with non-Hodgkin lymphoma. It was neat to see other warriors each at a different place in her journey. Some had not lost all their hair yet, some were completely bald (like me), and one had finished treatment and was beginning to grow new hair!

We each received a bag of make up based on our skin tone - light, medium, dark, or very dark. No two bags were the same as all the products are donated - and most are high end products! It was fun to be pampered, try out new make up, and learn some practical tips that apply to being a chemo patient (losing eyelashes and eyebrows, skin changes, etc).

After getting our makeovers, we learned tips on selecting and taking care of a wig, some tried on wigs, and we learned about some head-covering options. Did you know you can cut off a t-shirt under the arms and use the bottom tube for two different types of cute turbans? 

 Pirate & Turban






SIDE EFFECT UPDATE: Since my Vincristine was cut in half, I've had NO jaw/nerve pain!!! I came across another blog where the patient described his jaw pain exactly like mine! So, I thought I'd write a little about it in the hopes it may help someone else - at least in knowing he/she isn't alone. It started with the back of my tongue feeling tingly on the afternoon of Day 3 after the first chemo. Then when I started to chew a bite of cheese stick, a weird sensation went through my gums and teeth with a shooting pain that went through my jaws and up into my ears. For four days my jaws hurt constantly and the shooting pain occurred when I chewed or even swallowed water. The strange thing about it was that once I got past the first bite or swallow and kept eating or drinking, things weren't so bad. But if I stopped and then started again, the pain was intense. I did my best to get enough nutrition on those bad days, but I sure didn't eat anything for fun (like the lime green jelly beans from friends).

I would probably choose the jaw pain over nausea and vomiting (thankfully, I haven't had those), but I sure am glad I don't have it this time! It's nice to be able to eat whatever I want whenever I want and not have excruciating pain!

I still have the indigestion feeling and tummy issues, but it's nothing I can't deal with. Again, no nausea or vomiting, so it's all good!

I'm still amazed at the support we are receiving from family, friends, and even strangers! It sure makes this journey a lot easier!

Your love, O Lord, reaches to the heavens,
Your faithfulness to the skies.
Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains,
Your justice like the great deep.
~ Psalm 36:5-6  

Chemo #2

Same song... second verse... It was more waiting - port accessed and blood drawn, back to waiting room, vitals with nurse and visit with NP, back to waiting room, and finally chemo. My meds were all the same except cutting back on the Vincristine. It's probably what caused my jaw pain (neuropathy), so hopefully I won't have that problem this time. It figures that the jaw pain affects only about 3%... Lucky me! This time the Rituxan could be pushed a little faster, and I didn't have a reaction. That meant no extra Benadryl or Solu-medrol. Yay! The total time in the chair was 4 1/2 hours, which was 2 1/2 hours LESS than the first time!!!

The #2 sign is for the second round of chemo and to match the peace sign bandana that my son gave me for my birthday. Yes, I'm wearing the same thing as for my first round - it's comfy with easy access my port. Plus, not everything matches lime green :)

The chemo room is a big rectangle with three semi-circles of nine recliners each (no privacy). Well, not all recliners are created equal (notice the tan chair behind the IV), and I had scoped out which one I wanted. I had it to begin with when they accessed my port and drew blood, but after seeing the NP and getting back to the chemo room, that chair was taken. It looked like the guy was there just to get blood drawn, which meant he'd be leaving. So I explained to the nurse how I really wanted that chair, and she unhooked the IV bags and helped me move! I figured if I'm there for a good part of the day, I want the good chair. I felt like we were scoping out a table at the food court and pouncing before the previous people finished standing up - HA!

My blood counts were good - hemoglobin and white blood count had dropped a little but were still within normal range to go ahead and have chemo. I actually gained three pounds, which is exciting since I had lost at least five pounds after surgery. I've added simethicone (Gas-X) to my arsenal that should help with the indigestion and abdominal pain I was having. Thankfully this past week was symptom free!!! It will be interesting to see how things go after this round. 

So... 2 down and 4 to go!!!

Hair update:

On Saturday my buzz cut was shedding quite a bit. I looked like an old balding man! I used the clippers without an attachment, but it just left rough stubble all over. Ewww. So Daryl helped me with what he uses to shave his head, and we got it fairly smooth. What a guy!!! 

And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered.
~ Matthew 10:30

I'm thankful that God knows the number of hairs that will eventually grow back when this is all over!

Again, we are so thankful for those who are praying for us. Your prayers are definitely felt and are a huge blessing!!! Thank you for being on this journey with us!

So do not fear, for I am with you;  
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you; 
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. 
~ Isaiah 41:10

My Blue Book

Not a blue book for cars...  My blue book is about all things chemo. 

We met with the Nurse Practitioner the week before my first treatment for instructions regarding chemo and side effects. The first thing she said was that today’s chemo is NOT what it was years ago and NOT what is portrayed on TV. Whew!

Chemo kills fast growing cells - healthy as well as cancerous - which is why some of the side effects are inevitable.  But that's okay. I just picture chemo Pacmen eating up all the cancer cells. 

Here are possible side effects and what I’ve experienced so far:

Bone Marrow Suppression

           

Day 7-10 after treatment will be when my white blood count drops and I’m most susceptible to infection. When it drops, normal signs of infection are missing (runny nose, cough, etc), so a fever may be the only evidence of infection. If my fever hits 100.5, I need to call the doctor! Germ-X is a regular part of my day now. Low red blood cells can cause anemia and fatigue. Low platelets can cause bleeding issues. 

Thankfully, my sweet husband does most of the cooking. I need to stay away from raw meat and only eat fresh produce that we wash ourselves. No restaurant salad bars, etc. 

Fatigue/Low Energy

            

I’ve been taking a nap after supper, but who knows if this is related to chemo or just life. I liked naps before this all started!

Hair Loss

             

This WILL happen – probably by day 14 after my first treatment. We’ve already been wig shopping and picked out a sassy new hair style! I also have some cute hats and scarves. This will be the outward sign of the inward battle of cancer. We’re shaving my head BEFORE my hair falls out!

Nausea/Vomiting

             

This has been my worst fear, but I have not experienced any with the first round of chemo. I have horrible indigestion and could win a burping contest, but I can live with that! In fact, my kids used to tease me that I never burped out loud. They told me “let ‘em rip.” Well, now that I am, they are grossed out and telling me to stop. Kids... Tums are my new candy.

Loss of Appetite

             

I haven’t noticed this except that some things don’t sound good if my tummy is upset (see above).

Taste/Smell Changes

           

I haven’t noticed this yet.

Mouth Sores

          

My mouth feels like it’s coated with fur, but otherwise no sores. I’ve been using a rinse made with salt and baking soda that helps!

Skin Changes

            

One medication could tint my skin. Hmmmm – this summer I could have smooth legs AND a tan!

           

Constipation / Diarrhea

             

So far these have balanced each other! Just in case, I have Senokot-S and Imodium-AD on hand.

Numbness/Tingling (neuropathy)

             

Neuropathy has attacked my jaws. Beginning the afternoon of day 2, I started having a weird sensation at the back of my tongue/throat and pain with chewing and swallowing. Days 3 and 4 were #10 on the pain scale, and relief started on day 5. I was able to eat on day 6 without stabbing pain shooting through my jaws and up to my ears. Imagine the start of strep throat, ear infections, and a sinus infection going on at the same time. Tylenol, Tylenol, Tylenol.

           

Eye Changes

            

I was hoping to get some cool new glasses to go with my sassy new wig, but chemo can cause temporary vision changes, so I better wait.

Sexual Changes

            

TMI. Actually, one thing chemo can cause is early menopause. This might not be a bad thing – especially if it’s permanent!

Cognitive Dysfunction

             

Chemo Brain. Not sure how I’m going to know this is an issue since I’m pretty much scatter-brained anyway. The kids already call me Dory (from Finding Nemo) with short-term memory loss. But at least now I have a legitimate excuse!

Emotional Changes

             

Doesn’t that speak for itself? Lots of changes and emotions.

Sounds like fun, huh! Actually, it hasn’t been too bad. The jaw pain wasn’t fun, but at least I haven’t been hugging the toilet. Most anything is better than hugging the toilet!!!

Since my treatments are every three weeks, it looks like I’ll have two good weeks before more possible side effects. It’s obvious people are praying for me – God’s peace is amazing!!!

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

~ Philippians 4:7