Two years ago we left a vocational ministry and re-entered the "real" world. It's been a strange but good adjustment. Hubby is working full-time, and I'm blessed to be back at home after nine years of being a working mom while the kids were still in school - whew! Now we have an empty nest (which is kind of a neat thing), but I'm trying to figure out what exactly I should be doing with my time.
Hubby jokes that I'm retired and loves me being home, and I love taking care of things around the house. My grown daughter is glad I'm home so she can come over during her lunch hour, for supper and movie nights, or to do laundry. The college kids appreciate that I'm available when they need something... like money... It's nice to be able to go visit our married daughter's sweet little family (yay for grandkids). And I'm sure the dog is thrilled to have me let him out and back in all day long.
I enjoy working in the yard and trying to grow food, creating things for my Etsy shop, and having time for the endless list of projects. But since the stupid virus, I feel a little bit like a hermit. I miss my friends at Bible study, miss meeting someone for coffee, and even miss smiling at people so they can actually see it. I'm home almost all the time now... and may or may not talk to myself more than I should - HA!
So with all this time, I can do a lot of thinking and asking myself questions. Should I be doing more of something? How do I make an impact on people when I'm not around people? Will God say, "Well done, good and faithful servant" if I'm not out serving? Is the guilt I'm feeling really from Satan to make me doubt this season of quiet?
When I was going through cancer, I had such clarity on how God was working. I felt like I had relevant things to share with people. I felt like I had a purpose... a responsibility to show my family and friends and others going through cancer that God is still good even in the bad. That spiritual and eternal healing is so much more important than physical healing. As weird as it sounds, I felt like I was right where I was supposed to be.
But what about during this season of quiet?
In a Bible study video by proverbs31.org, I heard the following: "Our identity is not in what we do but in what God has already done!" I needed that today! Especially in a season when a "job" isn't defining me. I'm not working at a Christian college, a student ministry, or a children's home anymore. I'm not a stay-at-home mom raising and homeschooling my kids.
Christine Caine says that if God has assigned you, He will find you. So be faithful... be loyal... be steadfast... WHERE YOU ARE!
How does that look for me right now? I'm trying to be faithful in praying for others - which is definitely a work in progress. I'm trying to be loyal in studying God's word - which takes some discipline without face-to-face accountability. I'm trying to be steadfast in loving and encouraging my family - which is hard to know how to do when the kids are away from the nest.
So while I'm waiting on a specific assignment, I will "be still and know" in this season of quiet. I will recognize that my identity is not because of anything I do or a job that I have. I will be faithful... I will be loyal... and I will be steadfast right where I am!
