I Still Like Peanut M&Ms!

Before I started chemo, I did a lot of google searches and read blogs of other cancer patients. One thing that I came across several times was a warning against taking your favorite things to chemo because it would cause you to have negative associations and then not like those things after chemo. Well, then what do you take??? Don't you want things that are familiar, comforting, and fun? Don't you want Peanut M&Ms?

I decided to take my chances and packed Peanut M&Ms to snack on during chemo. And guess what? I still like them :) Yes, I do have some negative associations from my six chemo sessions, but they mostly are related to the actual chemo and are not experienced otherwise --- the nasty taste of the Prednisone and the strawberry candies the nurse gave me to cover up that taste, the metallic taste as my port was being flushed, eating ice chips while receiving Vincristine, peeing red, being drowsy from the Benadryl, tummy issues, etc.

In my case, the positive associations far outweigh the negative. It's extremely positive to reflect on God's faithfulness when I hear songs that have been meaningful to me during this journey. I remember hearing Jason Castro's Only a Mountain while waiting on biopsy results. I began praying for God to move the mountain in front of us. Then I discovered Kristian Stanfill and thought it ironic some of my favorite songs (Always) were from his album entitled Mountains Move. Daryl made sure my iPod was loaded with the songs I wanted so I could listen to them during chemo and while waiting for my PET scan. There are so many songs that have positive and encouraging associations with words that seem to be written just for me.

Today I heard on The Weekend Top 20 Countdown that the #1 Christian song for 2013 was Chris Tomlin's Whom Shall I Fear. Is anyone surprised by this? I distinctly remember listening to it (and maybe singing along) while driving home from my CT scan after three rounds of chemo. How comforting to know God is always by my side! I may have had Peanut M&Ms, too!

You hear me when I call
You are my morning song
Though darkness fills the night
It cannot hide the light
Whom shall I fear?

You crush the enemy
Underneath my feet
You are my sword and shield
Though trouble linger still
Whom shall I fear?

I know who goes before me
I know who stands behind
The God of angel armies is always by my side
The One who reigns forever
He is a friend of mine
The God of angel armies is always by my side

My strength is in Your name
For You alone can save
You will deliver me
Yours is the victory
Whom shall I fear?
Whom shall I fear?

And nothing formed against me shall stand
You hold the whole world in Your hands
I'm holding on to Your promises
You are faithful
You are faithful