At this point in my journey, I want to know all the gory details of my biopsies and scans. In the beginning (January 28th), the diagnosis of lymphoma was all the information I could handle. By the next week I could process a few more details - non-Hodgkin lymphoma with two entities that would be treated as one, chemotherapy, and hair loss. At my next appointment, the NP gave me the highlights of my first PET scan - lymph nodes affected down my center from neck to below diaphragm which made it Stage 3. After a couple of chemo treatments, I was brave enough to ask what the two entities were - diffuse large B-cell and follicular. Half-way through treatment, the report from my CT scan specifically focused on a large lymph node in my chest and a large lymph node in my abdomen that were shrinking (among "multiple" others)!
Well, now that I'm done with chemo, I want DETAILS!!! I want to know where all the cancer was and how bad it was. Does that sound crazy? I mentioned to my doctor that I'd like copies of my records because now I was ready to read everything. Of course, I forgot to tell the scheduling gal when I checked out... But, my amazing doctor sent me a copy of the last PET scan report! It has helped me get a picture of what was going on inside of me and how God has blessed me with an EXCELLENT report!
Maybe I don't need to know all the details. In fact, it's probably good I don't know everything. If God takes care of the birds who don't sow, reap, or store away in barns (Matthew 7:25-27), then He'll take care of me even when I don't know it all. If He knows the number of hairs that are growing back on my head (Matthew 10:30), then He also knows how many and which lymph nodes had cancer and how they've responded to treatment. That's good enough for me!
There's really only one thing I need to know...
Be still, and KNOW that I am God.
~Psalm 46:10a
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