The
Year that Changed Everything…
by
Jessika
Williams
It was Christmas Eve 2013. I was
just 15 years old. My family and I were at my grandma’s house for Christmas
just like every year, opening presents, eating sugar cookies, and watching
cheesy Hallmark Christmas movies. We had to head back home that day after
presents and Christmas dinner with the family. Before we left my grandma asked
my mom what that lump was on her neck. “What is that, Terri?” she asked,
pointing to my mom’s neck.
“What?” my mom asked confused. She
put her hand up to her throat and felt a lump. “That’s weird… I’ve never
noticed that.”
“You should probably get that
checked out. It could be a swollen lymph node,” my Grandma said
matter-of-factly.
I never thought too much about the
lump on my mom’s neck. I knew it couldn’t be anything serious because nothing
serious could happen to my family. It
wasn’t until later that I realized how wrong I was…
*****
In the early days of January, my mom
went to the doctor for tests and scans of her neck. It felt like weeks before
we finally got the news that changed everything. Cancer. Non-Hodgkin lymphoma,
a cancer that infects the lymph nodes all over your body.
My stomach dropped. I barely
remember my parents actually telling me that it was cancer. The whole thing was
such a blur. My mom has cancer, I
thought to myself in disbelief. She started chemotherapy almost immediately
after getting diagnosed. It all happened so fast, but in a way, it felt like
time was agonizingly slow.
I had a lot of resentment in the
beginning of this never-ending journey, mostly towards God. My family had
always gone to church, always been Christians, and I was angry with God for
letting this happen to my mom. This is
what we get for following you? I asked Him. I hated Him for a long time
because he gave my mom cancer.
I felt like I was in a bad dream. A
dream I could not wake my self up from no matter how hard I tried. At school I
felt like everyone’s eyes were on me - my teachers, my friends. It’s like
everyone was waiting for me to have a nervous breakdown. I acted out in school
and almost twice a week or more I was getting sent to the principal’s office
for talking in class and being disrespectful. I just didn’t care anymore. I
didn’t care about school, my grades, how I treated others… I was so full of
resentment and sadness.
My mom was amazing through it all.
She had chemo all the time, but still went to work and put on a smile everyday
no matter how tired and sick she was feeling. That’s just the kind of person my
mom is. She never made us feel scared, and she never resented God. Seeing her
become closer to God, when he allowed her to have cancer, amazed me. My dad was
just the same. He stepped up and took care of my mom and us kids, and that
strengthened our relationships with him. Looking at how they dealt with it made
me realize I was reacting in all the wrong ways. I saw that I needed to be
there for my parents and siblings and be an encourager rather than a
discourager.
Though I felt a change needed to
happen, it took me a long time to even pick up my Bible again. Once I finally
did, I found peace. My anger with God began to fade and my relationship with him
and my parents grew stronger because of the cancer.
In a way, I’m thankful for the
cancer because it brought something other than just pain and sickness. It
brought me a new understanding of love and life. It taught me to cherish every
moment I have on this earth and with the people in my life. It brought me
closer to my parents and God and it strengthened those relationships. Cancer
showed me who my true friends were that would stand by me through the tears and
through the happiness.
Life always brings things we don’t
expect. I never thought my family would be troubled with something as awful as
cancer, but here we are. Three years later and still working through it. My mom
truly is my hero and I’m grateful to have shared our story.
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| Special encouragement for scan day! |
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