I've waited almost two years to hear words confirming I'm in remission...at least as much in remission as I can be. This week my oncology Nurse Practitioner (Julie) told me my labs were good, my scans were good, and I was perfectly normal. WOO HOO!!! Of course, I chuckled knowing my family would be cracking up to hear me described as any kind of normal. Then she clarified, "On paper, you are normal." HA!
I went to my appointment with a couple of questions on my mind. First, since I had Diffuse Large B Cell Lymphoma (aggressive) along with Follicular Lymphoma (indolent), where do I fit when reading articles, listening to webinars, and attending seminars? I haven't found much that addresses aggressive and slow growing lymphomas at once. Julie explained I had two separate types of lymphoma and it will be hard to find information that applies to me having them together. So I'll just keep learning about BOTH.
The good news is the DLBCL (aggressive) is considered cured, and getting to the five year mark will be a relief. The not-as-good news is the FL (indolent) is not curable and could some day "rear it's ugly head." So, I'll be monitored for life - also known as watch and wait. Yep, for life... But it's comforting to know my doctor will be continually observing me.
The second question I had was if a CT scan will pick up bone cancer. Maybe I'm a little paranoid, but information is power, right?!?! My last couple of scans, as well as a bone scan after I cracked a rib, show degenerative arthritis and osteopenia, which I'm sure is the cause of my neck pain. Since pain is also a symptom of something more, I don't want to dismiss it just because nothing else showed up on my scan. Julie said a CT scan will show if cancer has spread to the bone. She also assured me that it is not common for lymphoma to metastasize to the bone like some other cancers.
While cancer (and lime green) will always be a part of my life, it's becoming less and less the seemingly BIGGEST part of my life. I'm moving past the surviving stage and on to the thriving stage. I'm looking for ways to make the most of what I've learned and experienced. Life changing events force a new normal, and I'm becoming more comfortable with my new perfectly normal.
Since I'm behind with my Documented Faith verses after going on vacation, I'm combining the last two BELIEVE verses - Psalm 46:10a and 2 Corinthians 4:18.
These passages compliment each other very well. Psalm 46:10a tells us to be still and know that God is God. We need to be quiet before Him and BELIEVE that He is in control. We posted this verse around the house during my cancer journey to remind us to relax, breathe, and trust God. Today it's a reminder that no matter what is happening (health, kids, life), God is who He says He is and He will do what He says He will do!
While going through a difficult situation, it's so easy to get caught up in the here and now. Paul encourages us in 2 Corinthians 4:18 to keep our eyes on the big picture - eternity! Whatever we may experience on earth is nothing compared to heaven! We need to look to our eternal glory and know that it outweighs any trial here on earth.
The things we usually focus on - the things that are seen - are fleeting. Let's look to heaven and remember that the unseen of eternity is our end goal.
So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
~ 2 Corinthians 4:18
Daryl and I went on another great cruise - an all-inclusive vacation where we didn't have to worry about a thing... except driving home in the ice...
Last year I posted some travel tips that we learned after our first cruise (here). This year, a list noting the good, the bad, and the ugly seems appropriate.
SMALLER CLASS SHIP (Serenade of the Seas)
- The Good
- The Bad
- Less space and activities on board
- The Ugly
- You can feel the ocean a lot... a LOT... I didn't get nauseous, but it sure messed with my head.
CRUISE FOOD
- The Good
- Lots of delicious food and fancy desserts to sample!
- The Bad
- Eating LOTS of delicious food and fancy desserts
- The Ugly
- Stepping on the scale when returning home
PORTS OF CALL
- The Good
- Relaxing on the beach and gazing at the incredibly beautiful ocean
- The Bad
- Forgetting to put sunscreen on the tops of our feet
- The Ugly
- Thong bikinis. OH.MY.WORD. Either these gals didn't have mirrors in their staterooms, didn't have friends to tell them NOT to go in public so under-dressed, or just didn't care. Ewwww!
TRAVEL SIZE TOILETRIES
- The Good
- Cream perfume in a cute little compact
- The Bad
- Possible allergic reaction
- The Ugly
- Hives on my neck - Next cruise will include regular perfume and hydrocortisone cream! Thankfully I had some allergy medicine!
We still packed too much and didn't have all the right clothes (like a dressy sweater for the freezing dining room), but at least ALL of our bags this year had wheels! We're anxiously awaiting Royal Carribean's 2017 schedule so we can plan our next cruise!
Video highlights will be in another post.
When I saw the second verse for our month of BELIEVE in my Documented Faith group, I was a little disappointed. I thought, "Great! Now everyone will think praying is like a shopping list and you'll get whatever you want."
It brought to mind a Larry Bryant song - Shopping List - along with good memories from being in a choir where he directed us with his own music! Here's the chorus:
Give me this, I want that
Bless me, Lord, I pray
Grant me what I think I need
To make it through the day
Make me wealthy, keep me healthy
Fill in what I missed
On my never-ending shopping list
I took another look at Matthew 21:22 and my attention went to the end of the verse "...in prayer." It doesn't say we'll get anything and everything we ask for. First of all, we have to BELIEVE! Then, what we ask for is done in prayer. So I started looking at verses that talk about what prayer means.
For instance, God answered the prayers of those who trusted Him (I Chronicles 5:20). In Acts 1:14 the believers joined together constantly in prayer. We are told to be faithful in prayer (Romans 12:12), pray with thanksgiving (Philippians 4:6), and offer our prayers in faith (James 5:15). James goes on to say, "The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective."
Jesus explains in John 15:16 that He chose us to bear fruit in order to receive whatever we ask in His name.
We are also told our prayers should be without anger or disputing (I Timothy 2:8). And Peter warns husbands how to treat their wives so that nothing would hinder their prayers (I Peter 3:7).
When looking at other references to prayer, it's clear that Matthew 21:22 is NOT a license to give God our shopping lists. If we go back to our first verse this year (Jeremiah 29:11), we know that God only wants to prosper us and not harm us, to give us hope and a future.
There's no better request than what Jesus taught in Matthew 6:10...Your will be done!
Sometimes - a lot of times - less is more. The Beauty of Grace is full of short stories with big impact. I've met many great writers without having to read that same number of books. Think of it as "The Best of..."
Dawn Camp has organized the book into the topics of Purpose, The Big Picture, Surrender, Trust, Lessons Learned, Hope and Encouragement, and Worship with 6-8 stories under each topic. It has a variety of writing styles from authors who are all in different stages of life with different experiences. Some of the stories seemed to be written just for me! It has introduced me to new writers while featuring some of my favorites. But more importantly, it is a reminder of God's love for me and the beauty of His grace!
BELIEVE is the word for February in my Documented Faith group, and the first verse is James 1:5-6...
The beginning of James gives us the formula for dealing with trials. And isn't it funny when you study it right before a life-changing trial??? I went through Beth Moore's study on James (Mercy Triumphs) just a couple of months before being diagnosed with cancer. Talk about putting it into action!!! And you know what? It IS possible to experience joy during trials!
Trials test our faith... which develops perseverance... which makes us complete...
However, if/when we need widsom - or spiritual discernment - to find the joy in our trials, all we need to do is ask God for help. And, oh, how He helps us! He will generously give us that wisdom if we only BELIEVE that He will do what he says He will do!!!
Linked to Coffee for your Heart
As long as I'm journaling this whole journey for the
world to read, I might as well include today's CT scan adventure. So I
drive 70+ miles to Tulsa, take the wrong exit, but thankfully find my
way to the hospital. I finally find a parking space, get to the right
floor, and find where I check in. Already I've accomplished a lot!!!
I was prepared to pay my whole deductible and 20%, but
insurance shows almost half of my deductible has been met. I'm not sure
how, but I'm not arguing! Then I go to the radiology waiting room, fill
out papers, and wait for the yummy drink. But the drink never comes...
When the guy called me back, I asked if I was supposed to drink
something. He said they quit doing that about a month ago and found it
saved about an hour per patient. I hate to break it to them, but it did
NOT make my visit any shorter.
I get the IV needle placed in my arm and sit and wait
with a nice warm blanket (the best part). They call me back to the CT
room and tell me I need to take off my bra if it has an underwire.
Hmmmm. That's never been an issue with all my previous scans. No biggie,
except I have an IV needle sticking out of my arm with my shirt and
sweater sleeves pushed up above my elbow!!! Why couldn't they mention
that BEFORE the IV?
The scan started with the same ol' instructions: take a
breath and hold... breathe... take a breath and hold... breathe... I
lost count. Then it was time for the contrast - nasty metallic taste and
a warmth that spreads across my chest and downward until it feels like
I've wet my pants. Seriously! It's the weirdest thing! And now you'll be
prepared when it's your turn.
Finally, it's done and a different guy unhooks me and
leads me out... without giving me the opportunity to put a certain
article of clothing back on... Fun times!
The humor takes away some of the "scanxiety" - so it's all good. Just making memories!
