Sunday, April 21, 2013
Healing vs Healing
A diagnosis of cancer has caused me to look at things with a different perspective. I've pretty much taken for granted that I'd always be healthy and some day die of old age. Now I don't think that way. I'm more aware that none of us knows how long we'll be on this earth. And although physical healing is what I'm praying for, it would be meaningless without spiritual healing - salvation! A healed body means nothing if that's all there is. Thank God there's more! Jesus Christ is the ultimate sacrifice. His death, burial, and resurrection conquered death...conquered sin...and gives us eternal life. THAT is healing!
What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul?
~ Mark 8:36
The sermon at church today was on handling wilderness times. It went right along with what I've been learning the past several weeks.
God leads me to the wilderness so that I can learn to FOLLOW Him.
God lets me get hungry and thirsty so that He can SATISFY me.
God tests me so that I can become STRONGER.
God takes me to the end of myself so that I can begin anew WITH Him.
God is good all the time. All the time God is good. Some day I will have a perfect body and perfect health for all eternity. That is peace to my soul while dealing with struggles on this earth.
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
~ 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Opportunities
I had a great opportunity last night to share about my journey to a ladies group at First Christian Church in Siloam Springs, AR. They are ministry partners with Cookson Hills (cooksonhills.org), which is the ministry where we serve. They had a linen shower and presented our ministry with lots of new bedding, pillows, and towels. What a blessing! I was asked to represent Cookson Hills Christian Ministries and share my story.
If you know me at all, you know that speaking in front of a group of people is NOT in my comfort zone. In fact, the first thing out of my mouth when asked to speak was, "But I don't speak in front of people." Well, my friend/mentor who invited me to share is in a Bible study with me where we're going through Francis Chan's book Forgotten God. We had just finished meeting together where we challenged each other to look for ways the Holy Spirit was working in the next week. My friend ever-so-lovingly reminded me to just let the Spirit work!
Those who have ever been in Bible studies with me know I can hardly talk or pray out loud without crying! So, as I prepared my talk, I prayed, and God answered. I spoke without my voice shaking and without crying. The power of the Holy Spirit is an amazing thing! I actually had fun!!!
We had refreshments after my talk, and guess what color the punch was??? LIME GREEN!!! No one besides my friend/mentor who invited me to speak knew what I was going to be sharing. At the end of my talk I explained my lime green jewelry. So when the punch was set on the table, everyone made a big deal about it. God is good!
I'm usually a behind-the-scenes person, but I'm not going to go through cancer without making the most of it. If that means giving my testimony in front of a group of people, then I'll do it. I'm trying to make the most of every opportunity to share what God is doing in my life.
Be very careful, then, how you live - not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is.
~ Ephesian 5:15-17
If you know me at all, you know that speaking in front of a group of people is NOT in my comfort zone. In fact, the first thing out of my mouth when asked to speak was, "But I don't speak in front of people." Well, my friend/mentor who invited me to share is in a Bible study with me where we're going through Francis Chan's book Forgotten God. We had just finished meeting together where we challenged each other to look for ways the Holy Spirit was working in the next week. My friend ever-so-lovingly reminded me to just let the Spirit work!
Those who have ever been in Bible studies with me know I can hardly talk or pray out loud without crying! So, as I prepared my talk, I prayed, and God answered. I spoke without my voice shaking and without crying. The power of the Holy Spirit is an amazing thing! I actually had fun!!!
We had refreshments after my talk, and guess what color the punch was??? LIME GREEN!!! No one besides my friend/mentor who invited me to speak knew what I was going to be sharing. At the end of my talk I explained my lime green jewelry. So when the punch was set on the table, everyone made a big deal about it. God is good!
I'm usually a behind-the-scenes person, but I'm not going to go through cancer without making the most of it. If that means giving my testimony in front of a group of people, then I'll do it. I'm trying to make the most of every opportunity to share what God is doing in my life.
Be very careful, then, how you live - not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is.
~ Ephesian 5:15-17
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Chemo #3...and Surgery
Not my surgery - but my husband's. Yep, another surgery for the Williams family... and another deductible... and another out-of-pocket amount... Daryl had a lipoma removed from his upper arm. For someone who really hates needles and blood and was stressed about the IV, he took it like a man and did great! Praying pathology is negative!
And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.
~ Philippians 4:19
My third round of chemo went well. I was worried that my blood counts might be too low for chemo because of how they dropped after the first treatment. Thankfully they were basically the same as last time, so we were good to go with chemo #3. If all goes well with the next three treatments, I'll be done! But I know there's a chance my oncologist will want to do two extra rounds. I'm okay with that. Whatever we need to do to get rid of ALL the cancer cells. I'll have a CT scan before the next treatment and then a PET scan after the 6th treatment.
I was finally brave and asked for my official diagnosis as to what type of lymphoma I have besides the general non-Hodgkin. I didn't really want to know before - just wanted to get started with treatment. There are about 60 subtypes of NHL that fall under two categories (rarely a third): B-cell or T-cell. I have two types under B-cell: diffuse large B-cell lymphoma and follicular lymphoma. And these two types fall under two different forms of NHL - yay for me!
Aggressive NHL, also called fast-growing or high-grade, makes up about 60% of NHL cases in the United States. I have the most common aggressive subtype - diffuse large B-cell lymphoma.
Indolent NHL, also called slow-growing or low-grade, makes up about 40% of NHL cases in the United States. Again, I have the most common indolent subtype - follicular lymphoma.
Hmmmm... 60% + 40% = 100%. I guess I have the total package! I wonder what the statistics are on having both... So there's the nitty gritty of my diagnosis. Not that it really matters since ALL of it will be GONE soon!!!
My chemo day went as usual - waiting... blood work... waiting... vitals... waiting... doctor... waiting... and finally chemo! Oh, and I got my big comfy chair - without kicking anyone out!!! I've had different chemo nurses each time, so I always learn new things. I learned that one of the anti-nausea drugs is probably what keeps me awake the night of chemo. It's actually a corticosteroid (Decadron) working in cahoots with the Prednisone!
The day was uneventful - premeds (Tylenol, anti-nausea, and Benadryl) and then chemo. I pretty much snooze off and on all morning during the chemo. We've seen one couple each time we've been there, and Daryl and the husband talk guns and politics a little bit. This time there was a lady one chair over from me who cried during the first half of her chemo until she fell asleep. I felt so bad for her and prayed that she would be filled with God's peace and mercy and know it was from Him. I'm glad she had a daughter/friend with her! And I'm so thankful for all the prayers, support, and encouragement from my family and friends!!!
Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.
~ James 5:16
I was so tired after this treatment - more so than after the last two. I couldn't keep my eyes open on the way home, went straight to the couch, stayed on the couch with my eyes closed even when a friend stopped by to see Daryl's new gun (He must be a good friend for me to stay on the couch like that!), and after supper put on my jammies and went back to the couch. Thankfully, I slept fairly well that night and felt rested for Daryl's turn in the hospital. Are we having fun yet?
Maybe "fun" isn't the right word - but we've been so blessed by family and friends helping us with getting the kids to and from their activities, mowing our yard, gifts and cards, encouragement, and lots of prayer. So in that sense, seeing God's people doing God's work is definitely FUN!
And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased.
~ Hebrews 13:16
And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.
~ Philippians 4:19
My third round of chemo went well. I was worried that my blood counts might be too low for chemo because of how they dropped after the first treatment. Thankfully they were basically the same as last time, so we were good to go with chemo #3. If all goes well with the next three treatments, I'll be done! But I know there's a chance my oncologist will want to do two extra rounds. I'm okay with that. Whatever we need to do to get rid of ALL the cancer cells. I'll have a CT scan before the next treatment and then a PET scan after the 6th treatment.
I was finally brave and asked for my official diagnosis as to what type of lymphoma I have besides the general non-Hodgkin. I didn't really want to know before - just wanted to get started with treatment. There are about 60 subtypes of NHL that fall under two categories (rarely a third): B-cell or T-cell. I have two types under B-cell: diffuse large B-cell lymphoma and follicular lymphoma. And these two types fall under two different forms of NHL - yay for me!
Aggressive NHL, also called fast-growing or high-grade, makes up about 60% of NHL cases in the United States. I have the most common aggressive subtype - diffuse large B-cell lymphoma.
Indolent NHL, also called slow-growing or low-grade, makes up about 40% of NHL cases in the United States. Again, I have the most common indolent subtype - follicular lymphoma.
Hmmmm... 60% + 40% = 100%. I guess I have the total package! I wonder what the statistics are on having both... So there's the nitty gritty of my diagnosis. Not that it really matters since ALL of it will be GONE soon!!!
My chemo day went as usual - waiting... blood work... waiting... vitals... waiting... doctor... waiting... and finally chemo! Oh, and I got my big comfy chair - without kicking anyone out!!! I've had different chemo nurses each time, so I always learn new things. I learned that one of the anti-nausea drugs is probably what keeps me awake the night of chemo. It's actually a corticosteroid (Decadron) working in cahoots with the Prednisone!
The day was uneventful - premeds (Tylenol, anti-nausea, and Benadryl) and then chemo. I pretty much snooze off and on all morning during the chemo. We've seen one couple each time we've been there, and Daryl and the husband talk guns and politics a little bit. This time there was a lady one chair over from me who cried during the first half of her chemo until she fell asleep. I felt so bad for her and prayed that she would be filled with God's peace and mercy and know it was from Him. I'm glad she had a daughter/friend with her! And I'm so thankful for all the prayers, support, and encouragement from my family and friends!!!
Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.
~ James 5:16
I was so tired after this treatment - more so than after the last two. I couldn't keep my eyes open on the way home, went straight to the couch, stayed on the couch with my eyes closed even when a friend stopped by to see Daryl's new gun (He must be a good friend for me to stay on the couch like that!), and after supper put on my jammies and went back to the couch. Thankfully, I slept fairly well that night and felt rested for Daryl's turn in the hospital. Are we having fun yet?
Maybe "fun" isn't the right word - but we've been so blessed by family and friends helping us with getting the kids to and from their activities, mowing our yard, gifts and cards, encouragement, and lots of prayer. So in that sense, seeing God's people doing God's work is definitely FUN!
And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased.
~ Hebrews 13:16
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
My Top Ten List
When I was first diagnosed with cancer, my sister sent me a Top Ten list of why chemo isn't too bad. Now that I've started my chemo and am actually bald, I've adapted her list a little:
10. People are really nice to me
9. Less time in the shower and getting ready
8. No more shaving
7. ...or plucking
6. No more coloring the gray
5. Save money on hair products
4. Fancy new scarves added to my wardrobe
3. Instant new hair style with my sassy new wig
2. No bad hair days or "bed head"
And the #1 reason chemo isn't too bad (besides KICKING CANCER'S BUTT)...
1. HEAD RUBS FROM MY SON AT BEDTIME!!!
There really are benefits to being bald! I've had fun with my new hair style and new glasses. I appreciate my family, friends, and co-workers who have been so encouraging and supportive. We're all just having fun with it the best we can!
A cheerful heart is good medicine...
~ Proverbs 17:22a
10. People are really nice to me
9. Less time in the shower and getting ready
8. No more shaving
7. ...or plucking
6. No more coloring the gray
5. Save money on hair products
4. Fancy new scarves added to my wardrobe
3. Instant new hair style with my sassy new wig
2. No bad hair days or "bed head"
And the #1 reason chemo isn't too bad (besides KICKING CANCER'S BUTT)...
1. HEAD RUBS FROM MY SON AT BEDTIME!!!
There really are benefits to being bald! I've had fun with my new hair style and new glasses. I appreciate my family, friends, and co-workers who have been so encouraging and supportive. We're all just having fun with it the best we can!
A cheerful heart is good medicine...
~ Proverbs 17:22a
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Look Good Feel Better
This week I attended a Look Good Feel Better class (http://lookgoodfeelbetter.org/) sponsored by the American Cancer Society (http://www.cancer.org/). There were seven of us in the class - five with breast cancer, one with colon cancer, and me with non-Hodgkin lymphoma. It was neat to see other warriors each at a different place in her journey. Some had not lost all their hair yet, some were completely bald (like me), and one had finished treatment and was beginning to grow new hair!
We each received a bag of make up based on our skin tone - light, medium, dark, or very dark. No two bags were the same as all the products are donated - and most are high end products! It was fun to be pampered, try out new make up, and learn some practical tips that apply to being a chemo patient (losing eyelashes and eyebrows, skin changes, etc).
After getting our makeovers, we learned tips on selecting and taking care of a wig, some tried on wigs, and we learned about some head-covering options. Did you know you can cut off a t-shirt under the arms and use the bottom tube for two different types of cute turbans?
Pirate & Turban
SIDE EFFECT UPDATE: Since my Vincristine was cut in half, I've had NO jaw/nerve pain!!! I came across another blog where the patient described his jaw pain exactly like mine! So, I thought I'd write a little about it in the hopes it may help someone else - at least in knowing he/she isn't alone. It started with the back of my tongue feeling tingly on the afternoon of Day 3 after the first chemo. Then when I started to chew a bite of cheese stick, a weird sensation went through my gums and teeth with a shooting pain that went through my jaws and up into my ears. For four days my jaws hurt constantly and the shooting pain occurred when I chewed or even swallowed water. The strange thing about it was that once I got past the first bite or swallow and kept eating or drinking, things weren't so bad. But if I stopped and then started again, the pain was intense. I did my best to get enough nutrition on those bad days, but I sure didn't eat anything for fun (like the lime green jelly beans from friends).
I would probably choose the jaw pain over nausea and vomiting (thankfully, I haven't had those), but I sure am glad I don't have it this time! It's nice to be able to eat whatever I want whenever I want and not have excruciating pain!
I still have the indigestion feeling and tummy issues, but it's nothing I can't deal with. Again, no nausea or vomiting, so it's all good!
I'm still amazed at the support we are receiving from family, friends, and even strangers! It sure makes this journey a lot easier!
Your love, O Lord, reaches to the heavens,
Your faithfulness to the skies.
Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains,
Your justice like the great deep.
~ Psalm 36:5-6
We each received a bag of make up based on our skin tone - light, medium, dark, or very dark. No two bags were the same as all the products are donated - and most are high end products! It was fun to be pampered, try out new make up, and learn some practical tips that apply to being a chemo patient (losing eyelashes and eyebrows, skin changes, etc).
After getting our makeovers, we learned tips on selecting and taking care of a wig, some tried on wigs, and we learned about some head-covering options. Did you know you can cut off a t-shirt under the arms and use the bottom tube for two different types of cute turbans?
Pirate & Turban
SIDE EFFECT UPDATE: Since my Vincristine was cut in half, I've had NO jaw/nerve pain!!! I came across another blog where the patient described his jaw pain exactly like mine! So, I thought I'd write a little about it in the hopes it may help someone else - at least in knowing he/she isn't alone. It started with the back of my tongue feeling tingly on the afternoon of Day 3 after the first chemo. Then when I started to chew a bite of cheese stick, a weird sensation went through my gums and teeth with a shooting pain that went through my jaws and up into my ears. For four days my jaws hurt constantly and the shooting pain occurred when I chewed or even swallowed water. The strange thing about it was that once I got past the first bite or swallow and kept eating or drinking, things weren't so bad. But if I stopped and then started again, the pain was intense. I did my best to get enough nutrition on those bad days, but I sure didn't eat anything for fun (like the lime green jelly beans from friends).
I would probably choose the jaw pain over nausea and vomiting (thankfully, I haven't had those), but I sure am glad I don't have it this time! It's nice to be able to eat whatever I want whenever I want and not have excruciating pain!
I still have the indigestion feeling and tummy issues, but it's nothing I can't deal with. Again, no nausea or vomiting, so it's all good!
I'm still amazed at the support we are receiving from family, friends, and even strangers! It sure makes this journey a lot easier!
Your love, O Lord, reaches to the heavens,
Your faithfulness to the skies.
Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains,
Your justice like the great deep.
~ Psalm 36:5-6
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Chemo #2
Same song... second verse... It was more waiting - port accessed and blood drawn, back to waiting room, vitals with nurse and visit with NP, back to waiting room, and finally chemo. My meds were all the same except cutting back on the Vincristine. It's probably what caused my jaw pain (neuropathy), so hopefully I won't have that problem this time. It figures that the jaw pain affects only about 3%... Lucky me! This time the Rituxan could be pushed a little faster, and I didn't have a reaction. That meant no extra Benadryl or Solu-medrol. Yay! The total time in the chair was 4 1/2 hours, which was 2 1/2 hours LESS than the first time!!!
The #2 sign is for the second round of chemo and to match the peace sign bandana that my son gave me for my birthday. Yes, I'm wearing the same thing as for my first round - it's comfy with easy access my port. Plus, not everything matches lime green :)
The chemo room is a big rectangle with three semi-circles of nine recliners each (no privacy). Well, not all recliners are created equal (notice the tan chair behind the IV), and I had scoped out which one I wanted. I had it to begin with when they accessed my port and drew blood, but after seeing the NP and getting back to the chemo room, that chair was taken. It looked like the guy was there just to get blood drawn, which meant he'd be leaving. So I explained to the nurse how I really wanted that chair, and she unhooked the IV bags and helped me move! I figured if I'm there for a good part of the day, I want the good chair. I felt like we were scoping out a table at the food court and pouncing before the previous people finished standing up - HA!
My blood counts were good - hemoglobin and white blood count had dropped a little but were still within normal range to go ahead and have chemo. I actually gained three pounds, which is exciting since I had lost at least five pounds after surgery. I've added simethicone (Gas-X) to my arsenal that should help with the indigestion and abdominal pain I was having. Thankfully this past week was symptom free!!! It will be interesting to see how things go after this round.
So... 2 down and 4 to go!!!
Hair update:
On Saturday my buzz cut was shedding quite a bit. I looked like an old balding man! I used the clippers without an attachment, but it just left rough stubble all over. Ewww. So Daryl helped me with what he uses to shave his head, and we got it fairly smooth. What a guy!!!
And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered.
~ Matthew 10:30
I'm thankful that God knows the number of hairs that will eventually grow back when this is all over!
Again, we are so thankful for those who are praying for us. Your prayers are definitely felt and are a huge blessing!!! Thank you for being on this journey with us!
So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
~ Isaiah 41:10
The #2 sign is for the second round of chemo and to match the peace sign bandana that my son gave me for my birthday. Yes, I'm wearing the same thing as for my first round - it's comfy with easy access my port. Plus, not everything matches lime green :)
The chemo room is a big rectangle with three semi-circles of nine recliners each (no privacy). Well, not all recliners are created equal (notice the tan chair behind the IV), and I had scoped out which one I wanted. I had it to begin with when they accessed my port and drew blood, but after seeing the NP and getting back to the chemo room, that chair was taken. It looked like the guy was there just to get blood drawn, which meant he'd be leaving. So I explained to the nurse how I really wanted that chair, and she unhooked the IV bags and helped me move! I figured if I'm there for a good part of the day, I want the good chair. I felt like we were scoping out a table at the food court and pouncing before the previous people finished standing up - HA!
My blood counts were good - hemoglobin and white blood count had dropped a little but were still within normal range to go ahead and have chemo. I actually gained three pounds, which is exciting since I had lost at least five pounds after surgery. I've added simethicone (Gas-X) to my arsenal that should help with the indigestion and abdominal pain I was having. Thankfully this past week was symptom free!!! It will be interesting to see how things go after this round.
So... 2 down and 4 to go!!!
Hair update:
On Saturday my buzz cut was shedding quite a bit. I looked like an old balding man! I used the clippers without an attachment, but it just left rough stubble all over. Ewww. So Daryl helped me with what he uses to shave his head, and we got it fairly smooth. What a guy!!!
And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered.
~ Matthew 10:30
I'm thankful that God knows the number of hairs that will eventually grow back when this is all over!
Again, we are so thankful for those who are praying for us. Your prayers are definitely felt and are a huge blessing!!! Thank you for being on this journey with us!
So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
~ Isaiah 41:10
Thursday, March 14, 2013
A Lime Green Birthday
I celebrated my 29th birthday (for the 17th time) this week! It was a fun day full of blessings. There were gifts on my desk at work - wrapped in lime green, cards in the mail, Facebook messages, e-mails, phone calls, a cake - with lime green frosting, key lime cupcakes - with lime green frosting, and more gifts - wrapped in lime green. I love how people are supporting me through lime green (NHL awareness color)! I felt great and enjoyed the day!
Hair Update:
I noticed yesterday (day 15 after treatment) that the hair on my legs is NOT growing back after shaving. Happy Birthday to me! My buzz cut is just starting to shed a tiny bit today. I wonder how long it will take for it to all fall out??? I'll keep you posted!
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
~ Psalm 189:14
Hair Update:
I noticed yesterday (day 15 after treatment) that the hair on my legs is NOT growing back after shaving. Happy Birthday to me! My buzz cut is just starting to shed a tiny bit today. I wonder how long it will take for it to all fall out??? I'll keep you posted!
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
~ Psalm 189:14
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