Endurance

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines endurance as:

• the ability to do something difficult for a long time
• the ability to deal with pain or suffering that continues for a long time
• the quality of continuing for a long time

Endurance is becoming a theme for me. The most obvious way this year is in dealing with cancer. I've endured biopsies, surgeries, scans, appointments, blood work, and chemo. And true to the definition, it's been difficult, sometimes painful, and continuing. Unfortunately, it will probably always be a part of my life.... almost like a chronic disease.

I had my three month check-up (which is really almost four months since my last chemo) this past week. My blood counts are about half-way back to normal! Everything looks good! I'll just be watched very closely with appointments every three months and scans twice a year for two years, then every four months, then every six months, etc. If I only had the aggressive lymphoma (diffuse large B cell), I might get an all clear after 5 years. However, the slow growing lymphoma (follicular) makes me "difficult." The follicular lymphoma isn't really curable - but it can be managed. So follow ups and scans will be a normal part of life now.

One of the symptoms I need to watch for is night sweats. I guess as long as I'm having hot flashes during the day, then that's all it is at night. When the NP asked about experiencing chemo-induced menopause, she was quick to remind me to still use birth control or I might end up angry :) We got a good laugh out of that!

I asked about how long I'd have my port. As long as I have it flushed at least every three months (at my follow ups with blood work), I can keep it for a looooong time. My kids are more than thrilled - HA! They think it is so gross!

The reward for enduring cancer and treatment is much more than physical healing. Some of my previous posts explain the blessings I've received through this journey.

Lately, endurance has taken on a new meaning while training to run in 5K races. My current Bible study (Walking by Faith - Jennifer Rothschild) focuses on the Biblical theme of training and running a race as a parallel to how we run our spiritual race. I've never related to those themes before as I wasn't a runner... and didn't even like much in the way of physical activity... but now I get it. Running takes training and lots of endurance! In fact, it's the word I wrote on my hand for motivation during the Tulsa Zoo Run 5K this past weekend!

...run with endurance...
Hebrews 12:1

I finished the race with NO WALKING! I was so excited! I had picked out a spot on the map as the point I wanted to make it to before walking. I got to that point and still felt good, so I kept on running. Then before too long I saw a sign that said 100 yards to go. Wow! Through the whole run, I kept thinking about the word on my hand and this verse:

...run with endurance the race that is set before you... 
- Hebrews 12:1b

So my reward for enduring training is finishing a 5K without walking! We look forward to participating in 5K runs that benefit cancer research!

My ultimate race is the one God has set before me, and heaven is the finish line! In this race I'm running for the prize - not just to finish without walking!

I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. 
- Philippians 3:14 (NIV)

Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. 
- Hebrews 12:1-3 (NAS)

Finish the Race

That's what I did this past weekend. I finished a race! Daryl and I ran in our first 5K - The Tulsa State Fair Corndog Classic. We started training with Couch to 5K on August 1st and had just started our final week with a 30 minute run two days before the race. We probably weren't quite ready for a 5K, but proceeds from the Corndog Classic benefit The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society, so how could we not! Well, our 30 minutes of running/jogging evidently did not equal the distance of 3.1 miles, because it took more than 30 minutes to finish the race. And I'll admit to a little bit of walking, but I finished with a time of 37:54. Daryl did great and finished with no walking and a time of 34:54. 

After completing chemo and getting my energy back, I told Daryl we should do Couch to 5K so we could participate in some cancer runs. He put me off for awhile and then became the best coach and cheerleader ever! I sometimes... a lot of times... have big ideas but not the discipline to see them through to the end. This would have been no different if Daryl wasn't such a concrete-sequential person! 

My Race Encouragement

About 2/3 through the run, I was ready to quit. I started walking and didn't care if I started running again, finished the race, or even participated in another race. But not too long after crossing the finish line - yes, I gave it my all running across the finish line - I was thinking about what training we still need to do so I can eventually run the whole 5K!

I have to admit, this is the hardest I have ever pushed my body - well, besides the cancer and chemo thing - HA! I've never done anything that was very hard physically (having babies doesn't count). I was always the band/choir geek but didn't even push myself as hard as I could with music. Honestly, I'm kind of lazy. And if I don't have time to complete a project from start to finish, I may never start it.

Training for a race has been a great experience even though there have been times I thought I wasn't going to make it! It's been fun to have a goal and watch the progress of our training. Now we're looking for the next race to enter that will benefit cancer organizations. It's been fun training with Daryl, otherwise I'd be sitting back on the couch after the first week!

I'm sure without going through cancer and chemo I'd never even consider running a 5K. Now I realize I'm stronger than I thought, and I have a drive I didn't have before. Whether I ever completely run a 5K or even improve my time, in so many ways, I know through God's amazing grace, I'm an OVERCOMER!

You're an overcomer
Stay in the fight ‘til the final round
You're not going under
‘Cause God is holding you right now
You might be down for a moment
Feeling like it's hopeless
That's when He reminds You
That you're an overcomer
You're an overcomer

Life After Chemo

It's been over two months since my last chemo treatment. I think the thing people ask about the most my hair! YES, it's growing!!! It's the same color as before - mostly white. Seriously, it's white! No one (besides my family) saw how white my hair was before except my friend Robin who shaved off all the color-treated hair. There's a tiny bit of pepper mixed in with the salt...but not much. So far it's very soft hair and flat to my head. You can really see all my cowlicks!

I told my husband the other day that I'm tempted to keep shaving my head because not having hair is soooooo easy. The wig literally takes seconds to put on, and it's permanently styled. At home a bandana is perfect. He didn't say "no" - but his look spoke volumes! I guess I'll keep growing out my hair. And if it doesn't make me look too old, I'll keep the white. It's the perfect time to stop coloring! That also got a look from my husband!!!

My eyebrows and eyelashes are getting thicker, but my poor eyelashes are going every which way. It's like they each have a mind of their own, but I like having enough lashes for mascara. And I'm back to shaving - ugh! I'm telling you...no hair was kind of nice! 

My kids have decided that chemo actually helped my brain. I can be forgetful, so we were worried that it would be awful during treatment. However, I think I was actually more organized while on chemo. Now I seem to be having more issues - like forgetting Jarod's dentist appointment or even what day of the week it is. Thankfully, Daryl is usually filling in the gaps for me!

Now that I have more energy and am doing more physically, my post-chemo muscles are letting me know they haven't been used much since January. Just scooping chicken feed has pulled something in my back. Daryl and I were walking when we could during chemo - when it wasn't too cold and I wasn't too tired. Now we're walking the dog daily and also doing the Couch to 5K program. Yes, we are jogging! Never say never, huh! We're on the last day of week 5 (a 20 minute run)! One of these days we'll run a cancer 5K! 

C25K - 20 minute run!

The worst part of my post chemo recovery is the chemo-induced hot flashes. Whoa! I've heard women talk about hot flashes, and they weren't kidding! They are not fun - especially during the summer! And really, 24/7 is a bit much! So if I spontaneously combust, you'll know why!!! My doctor said it's 50/50 whether or not this will be permanent menopause. Hopefully my age will work in my favor! 

Isn't it amazing how God has designed our bodies! And He has given people amazing abilities to find treatments for cancer. I'm so thankful for the advances in medicine and science that allow toxins to kill my cancer but not destroy my body. I am blessed!

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.
~ Genesis 1:27

It Pays to Make a Phone Call

There's a lot to think about when dealing with cancer. One thing I never considered is that there are resources to help with the expense involved in cancer treatment. Hopefully this blog post will help other cancer patients find organizations that can relieve some of the financial burden.

I figured since I had insurance, I was stuck with the deductible, out-of-pocket expenses, and all the co-pays. However, a few weeks ago at the Light the Night Walk Kick-Off, I met a representative from the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society (lls.org) who told me about their Co-Pay Assistance Program. I wish I had known about it earlier, but at least I qualify from this point forward for a year.

And since I qualify for the Co-Pay Assistance Program, I am also eligible for their Patient Financial Aid Program (state level) that offers $100 per year to help offset expenses related to cancer care. Considering we've driven over 2,200 miles back and forth to Tulsa this year.....

Obviously, the two programs through LLS are just for leukemia and lymphoma patients. A google search will show other organizations that focus on specific types of cancer. There are also programs that help with other conditions besides cancer.

Another nice resource is through the American Cancer Society (cancer.org) where they issue a $50 Visa gas card yearly if you drive over 50 miles to receive treatment. Why didn't we call them earlier??? But we are thankful to have it now! The American Cancer Society also sponsors the Look Good Feel Better classes and hat/wig rooms.

Thank you, American Cancer Society!

Another organization I called is Cancer Care (cancercare.org). What caught my eye on their website is that they have limited funds to help with travel. It just took a short phone interview to find out I qualify for a $100 grant. The lady asked if I was interested in it. Hellooooo! YES!!!

Thankfully most of our out-of-pocket expenses happened early in the year when we had our tax refund. But eventually all of those extra expenses of co-pays ($50 just to go in for a shot that only took a few minutes) and travel (155 miles round trip for appointments/treatment) add up and mess with the budget. I'm almost out of sick time until June, and in a few short months our deductible and out-of-pocket amounts start all over again.

Don't think I'm just calling organizations and telling them I have cancer in order to get a handout! Each place has it's own guidelines, qualifications, and application process which involves diagnosis documentation from my oncologist. It just takes a little homework and a few phone calls. Besides, the worst they can say is, "No, you don't qualify."

And I haven't just been searching for financial help. I've read great articles and have listened to a couple of webinars on my two types of lymphoma, treatment options, and current research. The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society (lls.org) is a wonderful resource for information on blood cancers and keeps me updated on legislation that affects blood cancer patients. If I'm going to have cancer, now is a great time in history to have it!

And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.
~ Philippians 4:19 

Happy Anniversary

Today is our 25th Anniversary. Wow - we're getting old! It's been a great time of celebrating. We're celebrating 25 years of marriage and celebrating life and health after a scary year! 

Here's a picture on our wedding day... 

August 13, 1988

 
And here's a picture of our anniversary weekend get away...

August 9, 2013

We haven't aged a bit - HA! It was so nice to get away for the weekend and just relax! We went to Medicine Park, OK and stayed at the Stardust Inn. We had a great time doing nothing! The innkeepers are long-time friends and totally spoiled us. We loved sitting in the rocking chairs on the back porch that overlooked the grounds and the river. And our room was named Good Medicine - how fitting! 

What a blessing to be married to my best friend. Although this past year was not what we ordered, it's been a joy to go through the journey together. God is good!

God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
For when I think I've lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it's true
God gave me you

On my own I'm only
Half of what I could be
I can't do without you
We are stitched together
And what love has tethered
I could never undo
~ God Gave Me You by Dave Barnes

A Puppy, Bunny, and Chickens... Oh, My!

Last year we were pet-free, and it was sooooo nice. I don't know what happened, but now we have a puppy, bunny, and chickens! I blame part of it on cancer - HA!

When we were at the beginning stages of this whole journey, we all had trouble sleeping. We were not having fun. Our second oldest daughter had the hardest time and might have gone a week straight with no sleep. She knew of a bunny that needed a new home and caught me in a moment of weakness. I thought it might help her focus on something other than my health, plus she promised to take care of it.

Well, the silly bunny is down right noisy hopping around in his cage. And he seemed to be most active when Jenifer needed sleep. So, he is now in our living room... and Daryl and I are taking care of him... for a fee, of course! He's the cutest lop-eared bunny ever :)

Bugsy

Then towards the end of my chemo treatments we were asked if we wanted to help with chickens. Our science teacher raises chicks in the spring for a 4-Him class (think 4-H). The class ends and those cute little chicks grow up. We take turns letting out the chickens and feeding them in the mornings, gathering eggs, and shutting them up at night. Yes, I'm getting up earlier than usual to let out the chickens and feed them! I've always thought it would be neat to have chickens and fresh eggs. Now I really get to do it! They're the funniest chickens ever :)

Three of the newer chickens

And then there's Lil' Buddy - our new 1 y/o Beagle mix. He was a stray and found our neighbors...who already have a dog... They tried so hard to find him a home, but no one could take him. They would even bring the dog to our door trying to play the sad-puppy-dog-eyes card! We were strong for several days, but then just like the bunny, I was caught in a moment of weakness. We now have a cute puppy who likes to chew on anything and everything... even my Chaco sandals... not the cheap Walmart flip flops! He's the craziest puppy ever :)

Lil' Buddy

It feels like things are getting back to normal - feeding the bunny, letting out the chickens, gathering eggs, and walking the dog! But not exactly like before lymphoma. I have a different mindset now - I don't want to take things for granted (like each day of life), I don't want to let the little things get to me (like the dog eating my shoe, digging up my flowers, and taking a bite of my son's birthday cake), and I definitely don't want to forget WHO has given me this good life - this great life!  

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.
~ James 1:17

Light the Night Walk

A big fundraiser for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society is their Light the Night Walks that take place across the country. We went to Tulsa's kick off dinner/program this week and learned more about LLS and the Walk. Our family is walking on October 19th at the Oklahoma Aquarium because, well... I now belong to a special group of people touched by blood cancer. We invite you to join our team or donate and help us walk to the end of cancer! You can donate by clicking on my fundraising page on the side, or you can visit our team fundraising page here.

I was blown away by some of the survival statistics shared at the kick off that have increased drastically just in my lifetime. LLS has been instrumental in research and funding with the goal to end blood cancer. Wouldn't that be amazing!!! Besides being a great educational resource and advocacy group for blood cancer patients, their research and funding have helped develop the targeted bio-therapy that was part of my treatment plan. Rituxan was approved for treatment in 1997 and has contributed to doubling the survival rate of non-Hodgkin lymphoma patients - like me!!! It's sobering to think that if I had been diagnosed in the early part of our marriage... or even after the birth of my first two children... the outcome may have been different.

When you watch this video, picture me holding the sign - RESEARCH SAVED MY LIFE!

Please donate here!