Faithful... Loyal... Steadfast...

Two years ago we left a vocational ministry and re-entered the "real" world. It's been a strange but good adjustment. Hubby is working full-time, and I'm blessed to be back at home after nine years of being a working mom while the kids were still in school - whew! Now we have an empty nest (which is kind of a neat thing), but I'm trying to figure out what exactly I should be doing with my time. 

Hubby jokes that I'm retired and loves me being home, and I love taking care of things around the house. My grown daughter is glad I'm home so she can come over during her lunch hour, for supper and movie nights, or to do laundry. The college kids appreciate that I'm available when they need something... like money... It's nice to be able to go visit our married daughter's sweet little family (yay for grandkids). And I'm sure the dog is thrilled to have me let him out and back in all day long.

I enjoy working in the yard and trying to grow food, creating things for my Etsy shop, and having time for the endless list of projects. But since the stupid virus, I feel a little bit like a hermit. I miss my friends at Bible study, miss meeting someone for coffee, and even miss smiling at people so they can actually see it. I'm home almost all the time now... and may or may not talk to myself more than I should - HA!

So with all this time, I can do a lot of thinking and asking myself questions. Should I be doing more of something? How do I make an impact on people when I'm not around people? Will God say, "Well done, good and faithful servant" if I'm not out serving? Is the guilt I'm feeling really from Satan to make me doubt this season of quiet? 

When I was going through cancer, I had such clarity on how God was working. I felt like I had relevant things to share with people. I felt like I had a purpose... a responsibility to show my family and friends and others going through cancer that God is still good even in the bad. That spiritual and eternal healing is so much more important than physical healing. As weird as it sounds, I felt like I was right where I was supposed to be. 

But what about during this season of quiet? 

In a Bible study video by proverbs31.org, I heard the following: "Our identity is not in what we do but in what God has already done!" I needed that today! Especially in a season when a "job" isn't defining me. I'm not working at a Christian college, a student ministry, or a children's home anymore. I'm not a stay-at-home mom raising and homeschooling my kids. 

Christine Caine says that if God has assigned you, He will find you. So be faithful... be loyal... be steadfast... WHERE YOU ARE!  

How does that look for me right now? I'm trying to be faithful in praying for others - which is definitely a work in progress. I'm trying to be loyal in studying God's word - which takes some discipline without face-to-face accountability. I'm trying to be steadfast in loving and encouraging my family - which is hard to know how to do when the kids are away from the nest. 

So while I'm waiting on a specific assignment, I will "be still and know" in this season of quiet. I will recognize that my identity is not because of anything I do or a job that I have. I will be faithful... I will be loyal... and I will be steadfast right where I am!

Hit the Reset Button

I don't know about you, but I'm so ready for a reset! 12 weeks of "rona" life still has me in a state of mild chaos. It's no where near 40 years in the desert, but I feel like I've been wandering and am a bit purposeless. For the 2 1/2 months of the year before life got turned upside down, I was working hard to get things into a nice routine. And I was actually getting my act together and making the most of my days. Then the virus...

Hubby set up his "office" at the kitchen table to work from home... College daughter was home to finish the semester on-line and couldn't even clean out her dorm room until a couple of weeks ago... High school son lost his job and was home all day every day...

We were all home, and I was having a hard time with MY routine. My daily "chores" and yoga became hit and miss - or even non-existent. Our budget was (and still is) a hot mess. The work I was doing to promote my Etsy shop and figure out how to best use social media is still on vacation mode. My Bible study (which was also my social life) was canceled! And it's very hard to mop floors with people always around - ha!

While I was usually coordinating one car for two working people (husband and son), we all of a sudden had two vehicles (with daughter home) and no one was going anywhere! Such a weird predicament!

Our high school son finished on-line high school in a very anti-climatic way - he submitted his last final and that was it! We couldn't even celebrate with dinner at his favorite restaurant. No open house... no party... And the summer event that he'd been looking forward to was canceled.

It's kind of ironic that we noticed the other day this calendar on the refrigerator to keep track of our son's work schedule. In some ways it's like time stood still once the virus hit and he was laid off. March almost seems like forever ago.

But today, I finally hit the reset button. Hubby's back at the office, and I actually did my AND mopped the floor! It's a small but important step to get me back on track! Thankfully, each day is a chance to reset and start again!

The faithful love of the LORD never ends! His mercies never cease. 

Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning. 

Lamentations 3:22-23 NLT

There's No Place Like Home

If you know me at all, you know I'm a homebody. So a Stay at Home order and Social Distancing are actually comforting during this crazy Coronavirus pandemic. However, it's weird knowing we can't just go and do whatever we want whenever we want. I just want to go shop for pansies and gardening supplies!

Although it's a super crazy time, I've been mostly worry free. Maybe I'm in denial... or maybe it's because I've seen God bring us through so many other tough situations - raising kids (am I right!), homeschooling, lay-offs, job changes, moves, floods, health issues (um, cancer), etc. You know, LIFE! Here is one of my LIFE verses:

Blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. - Jeremiah 17:7

While I'm not worried, I am concerned. Concerned for my girls - two with a history of pneumonia and one with a history of asthma... for my grandkids who are only 2 months old and 2 years old... for my father-in-law who has health issues... for friends who have lost their jobs. I'm sad for my high school senior son who got laid off from his good part-time job (thankfully his school was already on-line)... for my college girl who is now home to finish the semester on-line and missing her friends and all her belongings. I'm a little anxious for my husband - who hates change - and is now working from home and is a little anxious about the future of his job. I'm wondering about my mom and sister who are in other cities hunkered down alone... and wondering what's going to happen to my neighbors, country, and world.

I'm counting my blessings that I'm not in the middle of chemo during this pandemic. I just had lab work done and a visit with my new oncologist a month ago, and everything looks good. I'm probably just as healthy as anyone, but my family isn't letting me take any chances. Except for gas station stops on our trip to see our adorable new grandson before quarantine and a drive-thru run to Chick-fil-A, I haven't been out for almost four weeks! Hubby and Jarod are doing all the grocery shopping and TP scrounging!

So what am I doing during our sudden family togetherness? Pretty much the same as always only trying to make sure everyone else is doing okay! I'm taking advantage of free on-line lectures and Bible studies, enjoying all the music that artists are posting, working on some crochet, doing yoga, and trying to strategically run the vacuum so I don't interrupt anyone's school or work - ha! I'm taking my Vitamin D and getting natural Vitamin D when the weather cooperates. The yard and garden are calling me, but so are my coffee and puzzles!

With all of us home all day every day, I'm intentionally focusing on my attitude:

May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer. - Psalm 19:14

I'm also trying to stay informed about the virus and sift through everyone's "expert" opinion and advice. I'm trying to understand the power of the government - federal and state - to basically shut down our country and then watch them fight as they all claim to have the best way to help we-the-people. Honestly, I'm not sure what to think. I want everyone to be safe and healthy, but it's a bit scary at how fast and how limiting the government can act. My next free lecture might need to be on the Constitution...

I don't have any answers... so I'm praying.

But let all who take refuge in you rejoice; let them sing joyful praises forever. Spread your protection over them, that all who love your name may be filled with joy. For you bless the godly, O LORD; you surround them with your shield of love. - Psalm 5:11-12

May He be glorified! I'm glad we're all in this together. And when we get through this, we'll have another testimony of God's incredible provision. For now...

Pinch Me!

Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you your heart's desires. - Psalm 37:4 (NLT)

Those desires probably won't be served up on a silver platter...and the process may be difficult, but God is always good! I am surrounded by his goodness and am loving it!!!

Over the past few years the desires of our hearts have changed, but thankfully God knows best and provides in His perfect time! We are at a new beginning after waiting over two years while God worked out all the details. 

Our family had been involved in a ministry for over 9 years where our jobs, housing, and kids' school were all part of the package. While it was a great set up, leaving became a bit complicated. Once we decided to step out in faith, it's been fun watching God put all the pieces together.

We had been debt free for seven years! That's a really good thing... until you start thinking about buying a house. Daryl had no credit score and I was non-existent in the system. So for two years we played the credit card game and ended up with excellent credit and qualified for a home loan!

Even before knowing we'd be able to buy a house, we resigned our ministry without other jobs lined up. That was a foreign concept to us, but we felt we needed to take that step. My mom graciously invited us to stay with her during the transition, so we left our stuff in storage in Oklahoma and moved to my mom's in Kansas...actually to my childhood home! That's not weird at all - HA!

After a crazy time of trying to prove our residency at my mom's, we enrolled our son in a Kansas public on-line high school. God quickly provided a part-time job for me as a preschool cook - which was great but physically exhausting. We sold our old Jeep for more than we expected (which covered repairs needed on our van). God provided an anonymous cash gift when we really needed it. Daryl picked up some free-lance graphic design jobs and had a chance to decompress after a stressful couple of years. 

A couple of special college friends prayed Daryl through several interviews. When he accepted a job offer, I immediately quit mine :) His job puts us closer to two of our kids and our only granddaughter! It's still in Kansas so doesn't mess up our son's schooling! It pays enough that I won't have to work (a BIG desire)! And... we are able to buy a house - with a fenced back yard for our dog and an amazing front porch for me!!! And how exciting to have a house for the grandkids to visit! Daryl's new employer has been great during our transition of house hunting, commuting, and finally getting moved. It's been refreshing for him to feel valued and appreciated - which was evident when he walked in on his first day to a brand new Mac!!!

We are so excited to be homeowners after being tenants for over 9 years! And with the 3 month transition, we were able to move during the crisp cool fall weather of October instead of the horrible hot summer weather of July. Just another blessing of God's perfect timing! And we had incredible friends help us load the truck!

We've connected with a sweet couple in our new city through a college friend. They go to church with two of Daryl's co-workers - so we're ready to get involved in the church as soon as we get settled. Our realtors and lender have been so helpful to us as well as a lot of fun. And the beginning of this month was our LAST payment for our son's braces - just in time to start making house payments!

There have been a lot of hard days mixed in with the good days, but it's all been worth it! This is a snapshot of how God has been putting together our puzzle. He knew two years ago where we would be right now - HOME SWEET HOME. He is AMAZING!!!

Our Home

Be still in the presence of the Lord,

and wait patiently for him to act.

Psalm 37:7a (NLT)

Intentional for 2018

I always think I'm not going to mess with picking a word for the year...but then a word quietly fills my head and won't leave. Some past words have been:

Simplify

Faithful

First

Come Alive

I still have a couple of these words spelled out with Scrabble letters where I can see them every time I open one of the blinds. This year's word won't fit on the Scrabble holder, so I made a sign.

visit my Etsy shop - intheGAPdesigns

Over the past couple of years I've tried to protect myself from doing things - or not doing things - out of guilt or obligation. Now I'm to the point where I need to be more intentional - in my spiritual life, my relationships, my finances, my home, and my health. I need to follow through and finish what I start, and the word intentional sure sounds less painful than discipline - HA!

I'm building on some goals I've set during the past two years in these areas and have a good idea of what is realistic and attainable.

• I'm not going to memorize a book of the Bible (I have a hard time memorizing a verse), but I can be intentional in daily readings to complete the Bible this year. 

• I'm not going to be everyone's best friend, but I can be intentional and pour into my family and a couple of special friendships.

• I'm not going to win the lottery, but I can be intentional in budgeting and tracking our spending through Every Dollar by Dave Ramsey.

• I'm not going to have a perfectly clean house (ever), but I can be intentional with a specific chore for each day.

• I'm not going to become a fitness guru, but I can be intentional with realistic exercise goals and healthier food choices.

Being intentional about being intentional almost feels like I'm learning to walk and just taking baby steps. I'll probably take a few steps forward with a couple of steps back...and I may even fall down. You would think I'd have life figured out by now, but even at 50 years old, I'm still a work in progress...intentional progress.

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. - Philippians 1:6 (ESV)

Rain, Rain, It's Okay - Part 3

After 4 months, I'm finally realizing the blessings of the flood. As I was walking by the old house the other night, I found myself thanking God for the flood... for seeing His hands and feet in action by those who helped us move... for the purging we were forced to accomplish... for a house that is on a hill instead of in the "hollow" area... and for Jessika making the brave decision to move into the dorm at college.

I mentioned to my 16 year old son how I can finally see the good in the flood. He agreed! He showed me some artwork he's created for tattoos he'd like to get someday. He wants the Japanese symbols for strength and flood, one on each wrist, to remind him that strength comes after the flood. Wow! He's been processing more than I knew. I'm so glad he's seeing the good!

Alone, these realizations may not seem like much. But after the stress of the flood, moving, and not knowing where we'd end up living, they are like milestones for our family.  I'm thankful I can now consider these trials as joy (James chapter 1). And instead of dreading the rain as something negative, I'm beginning to recognize the imagery of water washing over me as God's cleansing, forgiveness, and grace.

I'm feeling more settled in our house and enjoy making it home. Today I've been doing things that I haven't done since the flood - my Saturday routine of making fruit leather, baking, and hanging out with my family. I've missed those normal things; and even though it's a little bit different in this house, the familiarity is comforting.

I'm thankful for God's mercy that falls like a sweet spring rain!

Strength came after the flood.

Rain, Rain, Go Away - Part 1

Rain, Rain, Go Away - Part 2

Rain, Rain, Go Away - Part 2

Following the flood, we felt very lost and needy. The maintenance department on campus probably got tired of hearing from us, but when a vacant house suddenly gets occupants, things need done... like hooking up the washing machine, repairing the hot water heater, fixing plumbing issues, etc.

It took days to get everything moved out of the flooded house and to get all the wet items washed. It took weeks to sort through tubs and find things trying to figure out how much to unpack and put away not knowing if/when we'll get back to our house. We were hopeful that our house would be repaired so we could move back and carry on as normal. Yeah, right!

Unfortunately, four weeks after the flood, we found out the house was going to be demolished. Even though we don't own the house, it was sad news to hear. We had lived there for almost eight years. Now what? Well, we had to clean out the attic...and the shed... The shed had flooded more than we realized and was a nasty smelly mess. We threw out anything that was wet, moldy, or absorbed the moldy odor - our Christmas tree, books, furniture, memorabilia, etc. We were tired...tired of moving, tired of the wet, tired of the smell...just tired!

We finally had everything moved over to the other house. Would we get to stay? Nothing was decided for almost four more weeks. We were starting to feel at home in the other house. We were fixing things, deep cleaning, painting, doing yard work and landscaping, and enjoying the new neighbors.

Then came the dreaded news that we'd have to move...again...to another house on campus...a much smaller house than what we had...and by the end of next month!

While the timing and details are being worked out concerning the move, we are searching for the lessons God is wanting us to learn while trying to remain joyful.

The kids are not thrilled to move back to the same area that flooded... in fact, we all cringe a little at the sound of rain and thunder. Jessika is changing her college plans and now moving away for the school year. Jarod is frustrated about losing space for having friends over and a place to hang out and play games. Daryl and I will have to purge and downsize even more.

Those aren't bad things...but they aren't what we want to do. What about our hobbies and collections? Do I give up stamping while we're in the smaller house? How long would that be? Does Jarod's nutcracker collection go in storage? Jessika's books? What about no office space for Daryl? Smaller bedrooms? Less bathrooms? No laundry room? No dishwasher? I know, these are all 1st world problems...but right now they are our problems...

I keep thinking how ironic it is that when we went through cancer, there was nothing to question - we just did what had to be done. So this should be easy...it's NOT cancer...it's just a house... But right now, it's our life and it doesn't feel any more settled than it did eight weeks ago when water started coming in under the back door.

Is God testing our obedience - OR - Is He preparing us for new opportunities?

Do our kids sacrifice again for our ministry - OR - Do we make changes for them?

Thankfully, we love and serve a mighty God who loves us and already knows how this is all going to work out for good!

Finally finished at the old house!

Be sure to read Part 1